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Intentional Randomosity

Or perhaps random intentions

12 September 1985
External Services:
  • alexander.goodlive@gmail.com
  • moonprism@livejournal.com
Note: I wrote this profile page and realized I probably haven't updated it in 8 years. And I kind of don't want to.

I, and several other very insane individuals, am a co-creator of kirtanglefans, the most insane thread of which I've ever been a part. Spend five minutes there, and nothing will surprise you anymore.

Greetings and salutations. My name is Alex, Al, Lex, Moonprism, etc. I have different names with different people, but I respond to them all the same.

I'm a dork, I do impressions, and I like to rant. I skip while I work, I giggle like a girl, and I sing and dance with myself.

I'm very satrical, I have no problems voicing my opinions bluntly, and I enjoy intelligent conversation. Netspeak makes me want to maim people with a blunt object. I write constantly, I rant constantly, and people tend to laugh about how I freak out about the weirdest things.

I have many aspirations, to wrestle, to write, to act in the on-screen adaptation of "The Customer is Always Right"... Above all though, I'm just a friendly guy who likes hanging out with friends.

Thank You, George 1937-2008

Thank You, George

I will still wonder how I get anywhere at all with all the idiots and maniacs driving around me.

I will still kindly ask people to remove their shit so I have a place to put my stuff.

When I play Monopoly, I'll snatch up Baltic Avenue as soon as it becomes available. I'll try to purchase Chance, then tell the dealer to shuffle them good, because I keep getting the same "200 dollars for being an asshole" card. Damn that little man with a hat.

I'll line up at the truck to get some Mallomars.

I'll listen for the two minute warning.

I'll remember that tonight's forecast is, in fact, dark.

I'll be tuning in to Double Trouble, the story of Siamese Twins joined at the lips.

I'll remember that some stuff should not be brought home because of the way it sounds, especially kumquats.

If I ever see an empty plate, I'll search for the mouse in a parka.

I plan on entering another quiet business on Sunday morning, and asking "ARE YOU OPEN ON THURSDAY!", and many other ways of keeping people alert.

I'll never drive behind any woman whose head I cannot see at all, nor any man over fifty wearing a hat. ESPECIALLY a checkered hat with earlaps.

I'll remember the greatest thing about living on the water's edge, only having assholes on three sides of you.

Rat shit, bat shit, dirty old twat. 69 assholes tied in a knot. Hooray, lizard shit, FUCK!

I will never hear the airline announcements again without laughing hysterically. And if the plane does crash, I will head to the nearby farm house, have a Dr. Pepper, and call the police.

I still support the state prison farms idea, where they'll all be roaming the landscape in search of fun, just like now. But at least we'll have a balanced budget.

I'll continue to think about the language the way you taught us, and to be able to vent our anger with cultural items with our own Free Flowing Hostility.

Fuck Mickey Mouse. Fuck him in the asshole with a big rubber dick.

I'll remember that ten times outta ten, Nicky, Vinny, and Tony will beat the shit out of Todd, Kyle, and Tucker.

I'll remember that Harley Davidson used to mean something.

Carrot Top packed my bags.

I'll definitely remember the best way to help the children: LEAVE THEM THE FUCK ALONE!

I'll be sure that anytime I see an accident that I'm NOT involved in, to ask the police to bring the bodies over a little closer.

Hold some hope in my heart that you've found your way to that alternate universe with all the Uncle Daves.

I know someone on here already said it, but thanks for being here for a little while with us, George. Joe Bless You.

And now, for some of my favorite rants...


groupie teenager chai-drinking Twilight-wearing Mother's credit card-using beret-wearing thick eyeliner-ed split a chocolate chip cookie with your dyke friend-ing to see some "band" consisting of two kids who've owned a guitar for two months and really think they're awesome... FUCK YOU!

Over a hundred of these motherfuckers showed up at work tonight, and I did nothing but make smoothies for three straight hours. So you would think, hmmm... Busy night, lots of stuff being made, standing room only, we're bound to make bank on the tips tonight... Pshh... Oh yeah, fucking kids don't tip. They also apparently are incapable of even throwing away their own fucking trash. I realize Mommy and Daddy do everything from give you cars and credit cards to all your housework, but have some fucking decency when you're in public. And throw a dollar in the cup once in a while, seriously. It wouldn't fucking kill you to throw in an extra dollar while I make your tall sugar free chai extra skinny only half syrup steamed but with ice decaf latte. Fuck you and your trust funds too. And even if you can't do that, throw your fucking cup in the trash when you're done. Don't leave it out on the goddamn table you lazy piece of shit. It's not a difficult concept.

Having CNN on at work is really also making me hate the media. I'm sick of Caylee Anthony, and I don't give a shit what her mother wore to court or what she wrote in her diary or if she laughed during a phone conversation with her parents. It's news that the kid was killed, it's news that they've arrested someone, and it's news when they're convicted or acquitted. This should NOT fucking be six hours worth of news EVERY FUCKING DAY! And neither should this mother of the octuplets who apparently is too good to even have sex and instead used fertility drugs when she already had six kids and now is going to enjoy the eight million dollar tax refund and not have to work while the taxpayers fund her welfare checks and food stamps because six just wasn't enough for her unemployed Angelina Jolie-wannabe plastic surgery-getting ass. Speaking of that, it is also not news to walk up to people on the street and try to get them to think that she's Angelina Jolie. I don't fucking care about Angelina Jolie or anyone who looks like her, or that people think some stupid skank immaculate conceptioning cunt looks like her. IT'S NOT NEWS!

They also were talking about one of the girls who died in that tragic Buffalo commuter crash, and yes that was a tragedy and yes that is news. One of them was a college hockey player, and they were having a reunion or something. Yes, I am sorry those girls lost a friend and a teammate, but they called the fact that they played the game without her "courageous." No. Nice, yes. Sweet, yes. Admirable, yes. Commendable, yes. Running into a burning building is courageous. Playing a hockey game even though one of your teammates died is not courageous, I'm sorry. My favorite part of that story was the voice-over saying "they hope to remember her for having an unforgettable smile." Correct me if I'm wrong, but if she had an unforgettable smile, why would you have to HOPE to remember it? Can we at least think about the word choice here before we speak?

Now, moving on to some commercial rants. I'm a bit backed up on these, and [info]heartgod80 already hit one of them, but I don't care.

I've already hit the Progressive lady several times, but dear God, this new one might be the worst. Please, someone get her some Ritalin and hit her with a baltine hammer before she makes any more of these retarded commercials. DISCOUNT! Now cue the tie-wearing geek saying "YES!" like a pubescent boy having his first orgasm. Someone gets paid to write this shit, people.

Car insurance in general though is really annoying me. "What really draws me to Esurance. I never thought I could be so drawn to my auto insurance company." Oh suck a bag of dicks. NOBODY is that into car insurance. And apparently every single car insurance company can save you between 300 and 550 dollars. SOMEONE's losing fucking ground here, otherwise we're getting to the point where they should be paying US for this stupid shit! People want the best deal possible and I'm pretty sure they don't give a shit if a gecko, a duck, some animated cameltoe, or a crack lady with a frock tells them to. Stop acting like it's the purchase of the car itself, cause guess what? That is the FUN part of the transaction! Insuring it is just what you have to do so you're not fucked for the rest of your life financially. It isn't FUN!

OH! Look at those tiny little burgers! Dear God, hot girls are not going to fawn over you because you have a miniature hamburger. They're not going to fawn over you if you have a fast food bag in general. Burgers /= babies. Sorry guys, but purchasing mini-hamburgers isn't going to get you laid, and if you think it will, believe me, getting laid is already out of the question for you. Burger King, Wendy's, and Taco Bell must be in a battle to see who can write the most retarded commercial. Can they all just have a cyanide pill swallowing competition and save some of my brain cells, please?

T-Mobile, and the butt-calling one... Like a flip phone is some new technology or something. "My butt just hung up on you." HAHAHAHAHAHA THAT'S SO FUCKING FUNNY! Have you ever kept your cell phone in your back pocket? I haven't! Why would you, unless you're really hard up for an ass vibrator in your jeans.

Last and certainly not least... Jack in the Box. Comedy Central has every South Park episode available in the episode player, which is freaking awesome. The not-so-awesome part? They only seem to have one commercial in the loop four times an episode. For some reason, the mascot was hit by a bus. What follows is the single most retarded response to a dramatic statement in the history of mankind.

DOCTOR: He's in a coma.

STUPID DUMBFUCK: Is that good?

OH YES! People are lining up to get fucking comas, you fucking idiot! It's the new epidural! Who the fuck is that goddamn stupid to ask if someone being in a coma is FUCKING GOOD?!


Today's commercial rant... The iPhone. If you haven't seen the commercial, this rant won't make sense.

If you need a blowjob and Craigslist won't load on your internet, there's an app for that.

If you need GPS directions getting back to your own house from the 7-11, there's an app for that.

If your balls itch but your hands are too busy typing in the debit card number for the 347 dollars a week you're paying for this phone, there's an app for that too.

Stay tuned... In three months, we'll have the new eyePhone, which is where we install the phone directly in your retinas, and you control phone calls and all applications by telepathy. Yes, while the country goes into economic crisis, be sure to prioritize. Who needs rent when you have a phone that lives in your eyes? You'll be the coolest homeless kid on the block!


Today's commercial rant... Taco Bell.

I've hit these assholes before, but this time they got a little personal. The "double the beef" commercials where they teach such a wonderful lesson... "Hey, take back that tip so you can inhale our pseudo-Mexican goodness and spend half the night on the toilet!" There's nothing quite like a commercial ENCOURAGING people not to tip. Fuck you, Taco Bell, seriously.

I work in a coffeeshop. Making a latte is not just "pushing a button", douchebag. Even a straight latte takes a certain amount of finesse to make. I don't know how it works at Starbuck's, but at least where I work, it takes a few minutes of work to make it right. Now, I'm not saying everyone who orders a cup of coffee at our place is a douchebag if they don't tip us, but it irritates me that a commercial was made encouraging people NOT to.

I want to rant about what's really pissing me off, but why do I need to say anything when they're doing it themselves? The same people who for the last eight years that have taken the attitude of "support our President or you're un-American" are doing exactly what they deemed so "un-American" such a short time ago, and the guy's been in office an entire day. Rush Limbaugh actually said "I shamelessly want him to fail."

I get it, it's not about supporting THE President, it's about supporting YOUR President. If you voted for the guy, THEN it's okay and everyone else has to like him.

"Like him or not, he's our elected President and we should support him."

That's not me, that's Bill O'Reilly from 2004. Think he carries the same attitude? Not a chance. The guy's been in office a day and they're already trying to tear him to shreds. "Did he really put his hand on the Bible?" Give me a fucking break with this shit. What the fuck does the Bible have to do with being an American? I'm pretty sure the Bible predates America. I'm also pretty sure that we have religious freedom in this country, but unfortunately, as Jon Stewart said, "if an American politician isn't talking to God on a daily basis, he doesn't stand a chance."

Then I hear the bullshit about how it's a "Christian" nation. No, it isn't. A majority of the people here may be, but it is not. Sorry. Read up on some things Benjamin Franklin and Thomas Jefferson said about religion.

I realize there's hypocrisy on both sides. I'm from Cleveland, so I'm used to being disappointed. I realize the sports analogy isn't helping my case being taken seriously here, but go with it... In my life, I've experienced one championship and a slew of disappointments and embarrassments. In 2008, someone I supported actually won something. I'm not used to that. I've known one championship, and not even a pro team one. To me, seeing a guy I supported for four years actually win when I didn't think it would happen was pretty special to me, and I really want him to succeed. I hope I'm not wrong, but I will admit it if I am.

Yes, a lot of people have taken this to the extreme and I can see how that can be aggravating. However, I think shamelessly admitting that someone wishes the President would fail seems a bit extreme to me.

I hope a time comes where just because you fall on a different political line doesn't mean you have to think a certain way or hate a certain person. My fear is that it's going to continue in this kind of partisanship. I'm not going to blindly support the guy just as I didn't blindly hate Bush, but for the fact that these are the people who told us we weren't worth being Americans for criticizing a guy who DID fuck up, can we at least give the guy a chance TO fuck up before we write him off after a fucking DAY?! Or does that whole "love it or leave it" thing only stand if it's the guy you like?


Today's commercial rant...

This sick looking date rapist fuck who does the ExtenZe commercials...

First, he starts the commercial with "male enhancement", and given that he looks like the next guest on "To Catch a Predator", that already makes it creepy. The other part of it, "male enhancement" is a French phrase for "bullshit". Sorry guys, there is no pill that's going to make your dick bigger. None. At all. You might as well deal with what you got and learn how to use it. Sorry.

Strange thing is, the biggest thing that annoys me about this commercial is that he cracks his mouth right after the male enhancement thing. Sometimes they edit it out, sometimes they don't, but because I'm the anal-retentive analyst that I am, I always catch myself listening for it.

He follows this up with "there was a lot of skepticism that a simple capsule could do such an amazing thing." Yeah, that's because it can't.

Then we cut to the token "hot" chick who attempts to be sexy in saying that this pill increases that "certain part" of a male body. "It's not a gimmick, it's real science. And with over 100,000,000 capsules sold, it's hard to be skeptical." No, it isn't. A lot of men are stupid enough to think it works, therefore it sells. Popular doesn't mean right or effective, look at the last two elections for proof of that shit.

"We'll offer you a one week's supply for free. If ExtenZe didn't do something amazing, could we afford to do this?"

Yes. See above. Stupid men will pour money into anything like that. Again, popular doesn't mean right.

The other part of it is, "the key ingredient in ExtenZe has been scientifically proven to do one thing: make you larger regardless of age."

Where do I start...

How about, if it was scientifically proven, why do you need to advertise it? If there really was a pill that made a dick bigger, a commercial WOULD NOT BE NECESSARY!

Second, if it's the ingredient that does the work, what's the rest of the pill? With all the side effects that come from pills that do work, the list of side effects for that one should be fun. "May cause temporary death... But don't worry, your dick will stay hard.... FOREVER! Hey, Rigor Mortis is the new Viagra!"

Last... Fuck it. I just spent how much time talking about this creepy commercial. But then again, that's what I've been doing lately, so I suppose it's fitting.


Today's commercial rant... Wendy's.

First of all, your new slogan... "It's waaaay better than fast food, it's Wendy's."

Wendy's IS fast food, you fucking retards. You're basically saying: "It's waaaay better than us... It's us!"

Second, threeconomics is almost as retarded as the Progressive lady on the blowhorn. Bob Saget says... STOP IT!


I'm back to bitch about another commercial, but I think this one takes the cake...

Progressive. Psycho over-enthused woman. That's all I gotta say.

She's been getting on my nerves for over a year, but this recent New Year's one is by far the worst.

Plays a stupid fucking annoying song on one of those airhorn things, and then giggles "heh, I wrote that."

::facepalm, repeated headdesk::

Lady, lay off the crack... No one gives that much of a shit about car insurance, especially enough to party about it. Save some of that breath you wasted on assaulting my eardrums and blow that stupid deluded fuck next to you so I don't have to hear you speak anymore. I'm EMBARRASSED that my baseball team's field is named after your company because of you!


This whole "support the party before the country" thing needs to end NOW. We are Americans before Democrats and Republicans, before liberal and conservative, and because someone doesn't agree with the exact depths of your faith, ideology, or your morals does not mean they're a bad leader. The current assfuck has "morals" and "faith", and look how wonderful that turned out.

People need to stop blinding themselves with red, blue, and all those other labels. How superficial have we gotten that, as I saw above, someone will vote a complete fuck-up over someone because "he had a horse face." What scares me is how many people probably think that way, along with how many people, no matter what, will think Obama is a Muslim terrorist. It's not right.

If there was one thing MySpace had over Facebook, it was all the goddamn annoying application invitations.

Now, MySpace said "hey, let's give you two sites to receive countless annoying application invites."

It also doesn't take eight minutes to load Facebook because of twenty-thousand advertisements about the movie of the week.


Before I say this, let me just say that I love the Indiana Jones movies... Last Crusade most of all.


I am SO GODDAMN SICK of seeing it advertised LITERALLY everywhere! Yes, WE GET IT! The new movie's coming out, as if ANYONE didn't know! Every commercial break, there's at least three references to the new one, the old ones being re-released, and Dr. Pepper mocking the opening of Raiders with some ridiculous fat guy. I FREAKING GET IT! It's actually making me sick of hearing the theme song because it comes on every thirty goddamn seconds!

Stocking the shelves, it's advertised on every other cereal box, Pop Tarts, crackers, Cheez-its... Is all this really freaking necessary? Is there someone who's not going to see it, then "OHMYGOD! IT'S ON A BOX OF CRISPIX! I HAVE TO SEE THIS F'N FILM!"

It's beyond overkill. It's actually taken something I was really interested in and made me almost not want to see it at all.

BEYONCE Beyonce, or however the hell you spell your stupid name, your blasphemous attempt of blending noises that remind me of pigs being slaughtered with fishing knives in some form of rhythm and fashion to dancing that makes it look like you're being anally raped with a metal spiked pinecone does nothing to even convince me that HD is worth the upgrade...

Yo. Or whatever you say in there, I can't decipher idiot.

Please, disappear. Go away. Far far away.

FACEBOOK I don't want to be a vampire.
I don't want to be a werewolf.
I don't want to be a zombie.
I don't want to be a pirate.
I don't want to be in a snowball fight.
I don't want a Christmas tree.
I don't want a snowman.
I don't want a bumper sticker.
I don't want a license plate.
I don't want a hot potato.
I don't care if high schoolers ruined Facebook.
I don't need to know my stripper name.
I don't care if it's one group, all Facebook members. All except this one.
I don't need to know my horoscope.
I don't need a virtual drink. Send me the money for a real one.
I don't want to be a Jedi or a Sith. I didn't watch any of the Star Wars more than once anyway.
I don't want to be a skier or a snowboarder. I hate snow in general.
I don't need a beach ball, or have the desire to hit one. And most of all...

JEWELRYI love all these Christmas jewelry commercials, telling you that the only way your significant other will know that they found the right one is by purchasing a shiny object that costs way more than it's worth and finding some lameoid creative way to present it? Notice they never show the reciprocating gift in that exchange... A five-dollar tie that they found at Gabriel Brothers.

BURLINGTON COAT FACTORY This is an actual commercial now.

"What's hot?"

Something something.

"That's hot."

Something something.

"That's hot."

Saving money.

"That's hot."

And by the same company.

"Do you believe in Santa?"

"I believe in Kashmir."

Who gets paid to write this shit?

CONSERVATIVE BULLSHIT It really bothers me when conservatives see something they don't like, they automatically equate it to being a terrorist, as if someone with different opinions is on the same level as a genocidal fundamentalist maniac.

Anyone who knows me knows that I think both sides are fucked, but I'm sick of this shit. Every other day, I hear some conservative comparing Obama, Clinton, or someone else to either Bin Laden or Saddam Hussein. That is really freaking pathetic.

One kills millions of people. One has a difference in opinion. OH NOEZ IT'S PRACTICALLY THE SAME! Get over yourselves already, someone who feels differently than you isn't any less American than you are.


VERIZON Hey, just wanted to give you this grenade-triggered V-cast phone from Verizon, because if it blows up, I won't have to see those stupid-ass commercials anymore... And that, indeed, will make you my number one.

COMMERCIALS IN GENERAL J'Lo, please get off my TV. Doing a few choreographed dance steps doesn't impress me, and neither does the computerized sound of goats being slaughtered you call music. Rhapsody only hosts you because they hit the mute button and stare at your ass.

Taco Bell, please just stop making commercials. Completely. This most recent one that plays every fifteen and a half seconds is just intolerable. Real men don't own lap dogs and don't date women with dragon tattoos, but you do both those things! Please, go away fast.

Why do I need to know about some cologne that's at Macy's twice every commercial break, no matter what channel I have on? I swear, that's why they need bricks to throw at these things. That annoying piano riff overtaking creepy people drinking rain scares the hell out of me.

I get it. Saw 4/Beowulf/The Simpson Movie/Harry Potter/Pirates 3/insert movie of the week here/'s coming out. I don't care. Enough is enough.


I've forgotten how long it has been
since I've never again...
listened to you telling your beloved fairytale
I've thought for a long time
I start to panic
have I done something wrong?

You said to me with full of tears
Inside the fairytale are all lies
I can't possibly be your prince
Maybe you can ever understand
You said I love you ever after
The stars in my sky has lightened up

I'm willing to be
that angel you love inside the fairytale
Spread up my hands
become the wings to protect you
You must believe
believe that we can be like that in the fairytale
prosperity and happiness is the ending

You said to me with full of tears
Inside the fairytale are all lies
I can't possibly be your prince
Maybe you can ever understand
You said I love you ever after
The stars in my sky has lightened up

I'm willing to be
that angel you love inside the fairytale
Spread up my hands
become the wings to protect you
You must believe
believe that we can be like that in the fairytale
prosperity and happiness is the ending

I want to be
that angel you love inside the fairytale
Spread up my hands
become the wings to protect you
You must believe
believe that we can be like that in the fairytale
prosperity and happiness is the ending

I will be
that angel you love inside the fairytale
Spread up my hands
become the wings to protect you
You must believe
believe that we can be like that in the fairytale
prosperity and happiness is the ending

Let's write our ending together